can of worms: when do you get to be happy?

I thought this warranted its own post. It was a response to the previous post about Photoshop. The clip Heather has referenced is this one which I've posted before. This one is great, too. If you're looking for alternatives to Photoshop, some dirty little secrets (about photographing self-conscious people) are posted here. Open this link in a separate window if you'd like a soundtrack for your reading pleasure...

Heather - yes, I have seen the Dove clip. It doesn't seem to matter - there are still people out there thinking they will be the one to achieve that level of perfection. Rebecca - this is an issue I have with Photoshop, BIG TIME. I grew up with body dysmorphic disorder resulting in 2 extended stays and over a year as an outpatient with a disordered eating clinic. It used to be that we were in our teens when we developed eating disorders, but it's slipped down to the pre-teens over the last decade, and now we have parents paying photographers to photoshop the sh*t out of their family portraits so that they can hang this vision of perceived perfection on the walls of their home. The message this sends our children, from infancy onward, is that they are somehow not good enough to be seen 'in the raw.' It's one thing to take off a pimple or a cat scratch, but things like scars, birthmarks, signs of aging, and the weight we are is actually what people see, every day. Imagine a child growing up in a home where you look in a mirror, look at your photoshopped portrait, and you never look as good as that. What if your child were to die and the only pictures you ever had of them were altered so that you had no 'real' pictures of that child? I weigh at least 30 pounds more than I should and while I know I could stand to lose a few pounds, there's this whole mentality that we will only allow ourselves to be happy if or when we ~insert superficial goal here.~ "I'll be happy when I lose 20 lbs." "I'd be happy if only I didn't have wrinkles." "I'll be happy when I save enough money to get plastic surgery." Sure, Photoshop can sort of take care of some of that, but really all the photoshopped picture does for you is create a fictional version of who you wish you could be, that you somehow make out to be better than the person you are. So what if you never lose that 20 lbs or get money for a facelift? You never get to be really happy? Seems kind of like a depressing life to aim for. When YOU look at your picture, you see the person you hate. When everyone else looks at it, they want to see the person they love, not the person you wish you could be. Consider this: would you love your parents any less if they gained 20 extra pounds? Will you love your children any less if they get a scar on their chin? Does your best friend decrease in value when they get a grey hair? Do you want your children growing up with the same issues that you have? I certainly know that I don't wish to pass along this legacy to my children. So. I'm voluptuous, I'm going grey gracefully, and I have laugh lines, not wrinkles. I'm cool with that, and I need my clients to be cool with that, or I have to refer them elsewhere.

And in conclusion, I'd like to say: