think pink on February 27th
As a parent of 4 children who couldn't be more diverse in terms of personality, one outgoing and gregarious, one quiet and reserved, one uber-girly and label-obsessed, one a complete tomboy in spite of her penchant for wearing dresses, bullying can happen to anyone - boys, girls, of any age, race, size or sexual orientation. Kids bully for anything and everything, from what you wear or brought for lunch to what colour your hair is or isn't. And it isn't just physical abuse - little girls on playgrounds can be overheard torturing the fat girl, junior high boys often band together like a pack of dogs and play dodgeball with a violent edge against the boy who hasn't hit his teen growth spurt, nasty notes and threatening letters are slipped into high school lockers - it comes in all forms. Any parent who has experienced their child coming home with unexplained scuffs or faking illness so they don't have to go to school knows how big a problem unaddressed bullying is.
Here's news coverage of the origins of the anti-bullying pink shirt movement:
In my experience, there seems to be more concern about school protocol and policy, and protecting the identity of the parents and perpetrators, than it is to actually deal with the situation. Back in the good old days, Billy hit Bobby or Suzie teased Sally, and up the road you'd go to talk to the other parents, and it'd be settled - consequences were swift and realistic. Nowadays, the only way you can get access to the parents (who are more often than not unaware their child is bullying someone) is to press charges. Some schools have it in their policy to call the cops, but even then the parents aren't always told their son or daughter has been visited by the fuzz.
As a parent, it's not only my right, but my INTEREST, to know what is going on. I want to be in contact with the parents, I wan the parents to be in contact with me, and screw the FOIP garbage. Perhaps the most asinine thing I've heard from one of the assistant principals I have deal with in the past few months was something to the effect of, "Well, we want these kids to start learning how to deal with things themselves and try not to interfere." WTF? At the age of 12 or 13, if you're shitting your pants to go to class under threat of further torture (I'm going to come to your house and slit your sister's throat) for leaking names, the kids who are targets (usually the gentle passive ones who would sooner cut their own fingers off than watch a kitten being tortured) aren't going to be running home and spilling the beans, are they?
I, for one, don't want to be protected from what's going on in school in a day and age where desensitized kids raised on a steady diet of media violence are packing knives by 12 and pieces by 15 with no real concept of the fact that in real life there is no 'reset game' button. If my child is being picked on, they are well within their rights to be terrified of retribution if they tattle or rat out their peers; if my child is the bully, they should be afraid of the kids who have been picked on for so long one day they just snap and go into a classroom pickin' their aggressors (and innocent bystanders) off a la Columbine. Bullying is nothing new, but it sure has taken on a whole new face, and damn ugly one at that.
On February 27th, I encourage you all to wear pink. Dress your kids in pink, wear pink to work, and take a stand.
Here's news coverage of the origins of the anti-bullying pink shirt movement:
Comments
I will be wearing it and thank you for the heads up!
Why wouldn't you pull a child out of a school where basically his family is being threatened and no one is taking it seriously? I see that the school isn't doing their share of bullying prevention...but what do you see your role is, as the parent, as far as taking pro-active measures to protect your child(ren), physically and emotionally, if no one else seems to be taking a stand? When is talking about it just not enough?
Although I ultimately have veto power, I want my children to make the decision to stay or to go. When I was bullied in school (pushed into lockers, teased, humiliated, degraded, stripped and pushed into a corner, etc. etc.) I changed schools. My mother supported my decision to run. If it was my child's choice to leave, then I would absolutely support that decision. If there was ever a threat of someone threatening my family as the example mentioned, I would press charges and make the decision to change schools for my child.
However, when a child who has been bullied changes schools, the bullying seldom ends. The same kid is still the same kid - too passive, geeky, acne, glasses, bad fashion sense, poor parents, wrong skin colour... and if they can find nothing else, perhaps it's just that the 'new kid' gets bullied. When I changed schools, the bullying started all over again because I still didn't seem to conform to whatever unwritten rules there were for being 'cool' in school.
It's an interesting conundrum, of course, especially when the bullies are former friends. They know intimate details about your life - where you live, your siblings, your pets, your secrets - and when there is a threat to that, how much can you run? Should I have o sell my home and move to a new neighbourhood?
And yes, let's play the, "Teach your kids to stand up for themselves," card while we're here. Violence begets violence. If a child who would otherwise be harassed for 5 minutes then left alone suddenly started beaking off and returning verbal insults, its likely things would escalate. As is often the case, the child who is being bullied is passive by nature, or (typically) smaller than the aggressors, that puts the child at more risk. The bottom line is the bullying shouldn't be happening in the first place, and since I'm not there during the day to monitor it, I expect the teachers, administrators, and authorities, even if they're too busy looking at policies to deal with it themselves, to at least have the brains to see it happening and inform ME.
yesterday Tyson and Megan were at the computer. Tyson said to megan he was going to squeeze her neck shut, then went into how he was going to bash her head. I was startled and shocked but knew he had heard this from someone because Tyson is one of the kindest loving little boys ever put on ths earth.
I asked him about it and he said "J" says that at school.
My heart sank. Some would say...kids will be kids... But I am sorry that is the beginning of more to come.
Of course we went into a discussion about how hurtful and mean those words were and what they meant. Then I made it clear to Tyson that if someone said that to him he was to say. "He wasnt listening to that and thats what a bully says and nobody likes a bully." In his biggest loudest voice so the teacher could hear.
I am so worried that Tyson wont stand up for himself in the face of someone pushing him around. So far he allows others to control what he plays and who he plays with. It breaks my heart everyday when I hear this.
The teachers and I are working on assisting him in getting a voice and not worry about pleasing everyone all of the time.
This kid who said this picks on him ( he picks on others as well but Tyson is so gentle, kind and loving that he almost lets it happen)
YUCK....
I was fortunate to generally not ever get bullied although I did have a girl that wanted to beat the pulp out of me for something I didnt say....I was TERRIFIED.
The kids from daycare were almost always the most aggressive. It was how they survived and learned in a very competitive environment. When parents were called they said, "Oh no, not my child." Teachers and schools can only do so much, parents must take responsibility
But I agree that parents need to take responsibility, and when the schools are actively impeding our ability to parent our kids by failing to report to or involve us, it ind of takes that ability away from us.