thoughts on internettiquette
Carold blogged on this topic, and it got me to thinkin'... is it that there is some unspoken set of rules that people don't follow when they post online, or do they lack common decency, period?
I've had some pretty heated arguments and debates in my time, both online and in person, and as a rule, my intention is always to get my point across and 'challenge' other points of view without being rude, belittling, accusatory, or disrespectful. I use strong and sometimes colourful language, and can get very sarcastic, but never is it my intention to launch a personal attack on any one person. That, to me, is just the art of effective conversation which can include anything and everything from negotiation and debate to Sunday dinner with the inlaws.
Once you make it personal, then it isn't about the almighty "WE" vs "THEY" - it's about you vs me. The conversation quickly deteriorates, feelings are hurt, the lines of communication become completely shut down by emotional responses. Instead of discussing the topic at hand, they end up discussing why either themselves or the other person is bad or wrong or whatever. It always ends badly. The second the conversation makes that switch from, "How could someone" to "How could YOU" it's over.
The world wide web is a strange kind of place when it comes to communicating anyways. We are often reduced to being read, both literally and figuratively, in black and white. We are missing hand gestures, facial expressions, and tone of voice - all those body language type things that happen in face-to-face conversation that clue us in to the underlying emotions and the things that would be our cue to pursue or drop the subject, change our own tone of voice, or clarify. Although yes, many people lack the skill to effectively read people regardless of the medium they use to communicate. I have personally found the internet has lead to many a misunderstanding because we are missing the human element too much.
I also find that lots of normally 'quiet' people come into their own on the internet. People who, in real life, are mousy and shy are suddenly brave enough to speak up. It's a life-changing event for them to feel safe enough to actually voice their opinion. But some quiet folks aren't just shy - they are cowards, full of vitriol and venom, who would never have the balls to say half of what they do online if they were standing face to face with a real live person. They use the internet as a place to bully, belittle, and abuse others. They feel like no one can touch them in the safety of their own living room, and hurt feelings are merely the collateral damage of their new-found bravery.
I have adopted wholeheartedly the practice of assuming that behind every online persona I bump into, there is a real live person with real live feelings. If I decide I want to challenge them, I will approach gently, nudge a bit, and guage the safety of paddling off into unknown territory before going in with the big guns. I think it's entirely possible to get up in someone's face, give them a new perspective, and learn something about myself and the person I'm talking to, without being snide or sensationalist, or overstepping the boundaries of common decency.
Why, oh why, don't they teach this stuff anymore? Maybe I'll enroll Serejane in Geisha school.
I've had some pretty heated arguments and debates in my time, both online and in person, and as a rule, my intention is always to get my point across and 'challenge' other points of view without being rude, belittling, accusatory, or disrespectful. I use strong and sometimes colourful language, and can get very sarcastic, but never is it my intention to launch a personal attack on any one person. That, to me, is just the art of effective conversation which can include anything and everything from negotiation and debate to Sunday dinner with the inlaws.
Once you make it personal, then it isn't about the almighty "WE" vs "THEY" - it's about you vs me. The conversation quickly deteriorates, feelings are hurt, the lines of communication become completely shut down by emotional responses. Instead of discussing the topic at hand, they end up discussing why either themselves or the other person is bad or wrong or whatever. It always ends badly. The second the conversation makes that switch from, "How could someone" to "How could YOU" it's over.
The world wide web is a strange kind of place when it comes to communicating anyways. We are often reduced to being read, both literally and figuratively, in black and white. We are missing hand gestures, facial expressions, and tone of voice - all those body language type things that happen in face-to-face conversation that clue us in to the underlying emotions and the things that would be our cue to pursue or drop the subject, change our own tone of voice, or clarify. Although yes, many people lack the skill to effectively read people regardless of the medium they use to communicate. I have personally found the internet has lead to many a misunderstanding because we are missing the human element too much.
I also find that lots of normally 'quiet' people come into their own on the internet. People who, in real life, are mousy and shy are suddenly brave enough to speak up. It's a life-changing event for them to feel safe enough to actually voice their opinion. But some quiet folks aren't just shy - they are cowards, full of vitriol and venom, who would never have the balls to say half of what they do online if they were standing face to face with a real live person. They use the internet as a place to bully, belittle, and abuse others. They feel like no one can touch them in the safety of their own living room, and hurt feelings are merely the collateral damage of their new-found bravery.
I have adopted wholeheartedly the practice of assuming that behind every online persona I bump into, there is a real live person with real live feelings. If I decide I want to challenge them, I will approach gently, nudge a bit, and guage the safety of paddling off into unknown territory before going in with the big guns. I think it's entirely possible to get up in someone's face, give them a new perspective, and learn something about myself and the person I'm talking to, without being snide or sensationalist, or overstepping the boundaries of common decency.
Why, oh why, don't they teach this stuff anymore? Maybe I'll enroll Serejane in Geisha school.
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