can of worms: pants
A woman sits at her desk posting on her blog over lunch. Her pants are presentable, generic: plain slacks with moderate detailing. They are bland and cannot be identified as belonging to any one company. This is not an accident, and is in no small part out of rebellion - she holds people who wear designer labels in contempt. The simple fact they would dare to flaunt their designer labels and expect her to be impressed by the knowledge that their jeans cost 3 times more than any pants she would ever own disgusts her.
She thinks of her children, carefully dressed in equally generic clothes, cutting off exterior tags, ensuring the pocket labels are removed, whether they come from Gap or Zellers. This is not to mask their income or lack of income, but rather to avoid her children developing an idea that somehow a label on the back pocket of their jeans puts them above or below someone else. Unfortunately, the kids with the designer labels have been taught that they are indeed above those who do not display their apparent wealth on their pants. She cringes to think her children are being abused because of it, because of parents, intentionally or not, recklessly breeding a sense of superiority into their kids on something as superficial as the brand of clothes they are dressed in.
The woman knows this is nothing new. She suffered the pain of being the one not in designer labels as a child, because there simply wasn't money to do it. As she grew older, it became a point of contention, something to stand up against and prove a point. Even once she had the income to afford such luxuries as brand name clothing, she refused to succumb. And yet she debates herself, day in and day out, whether she isn't doing her children a disservice by not allowing them the social status that comes with wearing the right pants. Would her children be more liked within the school population? Would the teachers treat them with more respect? Would they do better in sports? Would their self-esteem rise? Would they be less likely to dabble in narcotics or hang out with gangs? Surely it's ridiculous to ponder these things. Surely.
She thinks of her children, carefully dressed in equally generic clothes, cutting off exterior tags, ensuring the pocket labels are removed, whether they come from Gap or Zellers. This is not to mask their income or lack of income, but rather to avoid her children developing an idea that somehow a label on the back pocket of their jeans puts them above or below someone else. Unfortunately, the kids with the designer labels have been taught that they are indeed above those who do not display their apparent wealth on their pants. She cringes to think her children are being abused because of it, because of parents, intentionally or not, recklessly breeding a sense of superiority into their kids on something as superficial as the brand of clothes they are dressed in.
The woman knows this is nothing new. She suffered the pain of being the one not in designer labels as a child, because there simply wasn't money to do it. As she grew older, it became a point of contention, something to stand up against and prove a point. Even once she had the income to afford such luxuries as brand name clothing, she refused to succumb. And yet she debates herself, day in and day out, whether she isn't doing her children a disservice by not allowing them the social status that comes with wearing the right pants. Would her children be more liked within the school population? Would the teachers treat them with more respect? Would they do better in sports? Would their self-esteem rise? Would they be less likely to dabble in narcotics or hang out with gangs? Surely it's ridiculous to ponder these things. Surely.
Comments
I'm not really on either side of the fence on this one.
By ensuring your children are always wearing labels, are you not perpetuating the superficial snobbery and playground abuse that accompanies making your kids into billboards?
And boys have to be faster, taller, funnier, tougher. Girls are the ones who seem to be conditioned to place some kind of value on what each other is wearing. They don't develop this on their own. I promise, I had no idea I was supposed to give crap what I wore until some mean girl took it upon herself to educate me about how much of a loser I was for not wearing clothes from the right store.
I'm torn on this - I don't want my kids to be teased or taunted, of course, but I also don't want them growing up thinking that their value is defined by what they wear. The girls who wore the 'cool' clothes looked down their noses at those of us who didn't or wouldn't dress according to the 'code' - and a lot of them that I know as adults look at you like a good parent/bad parent based on what your children are wearing. I have a few friends who will check the tags on the kids' clothes before deciding if they 'like' them or not. WTF? Honestly, it mkes me sick. It makes me so mad that I want to keep cutting the tags off the kids' clothes. Or making it all home made so that there is no discussion about where it came from. I suppose though that there'd be some jerk girl who said, "Ew - your MOM sews your clothes... you're such a LOSER."
All these things to worry about as parents...man its a tough job.
My children's weekend and after school wear varies. We pass clothes around between cousins and buy at a variety of stores. My oldest daughter is at the age where she is just beginning to care about what she wears. The clothing that I buy needs to be able to be passed down through the family. So, to sum things up... lol.. I mostly buy higher-end clothing because it lasts and I like the style.
As far as shoes go...good quality ALL the way. I will pay extra for shoes if they are proper support/fit etc.
The difference is some people will only wear certain LABELS and some refuse to wear ANY Labels and there are us in betweeners that are looking for a bargain on good quality textiles.
A friend of mine has already ( Kindergarten) run into trouble with girls telling her daughter what she should wear each day!!!!! YUCK!
You have a lot of hand-me-downing to do. I don't mind spending more money on runners and boots and one pair of good black dress shoes, but fashion shoes, especially for the girls, I prefer whatever is cheapest, since they end up with so many pairs they never wear any one pair more than 4 or 5 times... I go for quantity not quality lol
I won't NOT buy something because it's brand name but I will try and minimize the advertising my kids do. No logo hoodies or t-shirts here unless it's a gift and I can't avoid it, and if a tag is subtle enough I'll leave it alone. And certain labels I boycott completely based on their historical and current manufacturing practices. Namely Gap and it's spin-off 'WalMart' version of itself Old Navy. If I'm going to pay the extra money for something, I'd rather that be because it's manufactured here in my own country where people are paid fair wages and the cost of production is high enough to justify the inflated price tag.
As far as liking the styles of clothing, well - you can find style wherever you go, if you're willing to look for it. I agree that some stuff is just crap and you don't buy it - $7 regular priced jeans are $7 regular priced jeans, period. But a dress that will get worn twice - once for pictures and once on Christmas or Easter - I am sorry, I cannot justify spending $150, even if it's going to be handed down 3 times over and worn what, 6 times? If I were the type to re-sell my stuff, maybe, but I'm not, so no thanks lol...
And I'm really liking Joe, too, Carol! Even their grown-up clothes are pretty sassy, hey?
I am thankful every day that my son was an anti-establishment skate boarder who shopped at Value Village and Sally Ann from elementary school right through high school. If he could pick up a vintage Hell's Angel or David Bowie t-shirt for only 50 cents he was in skater heaven.
When I was a young-un my mother gave me a pretty good allowance for a kid in those days. But I had to buy all my clothes, shoes, etc with it or make my own clothes which in those days was even cheaper than shopping at Fields.
If my stuff has a big name on the front its usually because it was in the handmedown bag. I'm typically drawn to more "plain" things. ( ie no words or pictures all over my clothes LOL) If I get too wraped up in who made what and where I could go crazy and I dont really like to look the gift handmedown cow in the rear....LOL ( I know I know...I'm weird)
I'm gonna post the photo of me and babzy in matching home made bikinis! Stay tuned.
I love sewing stuff for the kids. If I had time, I'd sew everything but panties and socks. lol
Carol - I like your point about 'simple' clothing, too. I love seeing kids dressed in great basic pieces - jeans with nice detailing, a solid t-shirt (I'm really big into the mini-pocket and gathered sleeves for girls right now, and I'm loving the plaid shirt/sweater vest over a long-sleeved dress shirt for boys), a little floral-print jumper with plain white ankle socks...
I love accessorizing with nice little touches like funky socks, great shoes (duh!) and cute hairbows or a nice leather belt, preferably ones that the kids pick out themselves. I'm not a huge fan of character clothes either - as much as Serejane loves Dora the Explorer and the boys once really dug Winnie the Pooh, I favour socks or shoes or small things that the kids could love their characters on without advertising for Disney or nickelodeon or whatever. Often I save the character hand-me-downs for camping or going to the park so they can utterly destroy them and I'd not be sad about them getting stained or torn.
And every once in a while, it's fun to get your hands on a team jersey... just because... lol
Do you guys have 'play clothes' or are your kids always dressed in everyday wear? I don't know a lot of people who have play clothes for their kids anymore. That went out of style a long time ago but man, there's nothing more irritating than the new white blouse or great yellow shorts being trashed on the first day out at the park or on fingerpaint day at the Montessori school... I'm not good at stain management, so it's easier and more affordable to just have a set of clothes for playing hard. I'm like Maria von Trapp that way - send the kids out to trash the curtains... (A lot of my Gap hand-me-downs ended up being play clothes until a certain someone told me to not cut the labels out, keep 'em tidy, and pass them along to her when I passed along all my homemade duds lol)
...when your three year old is pretty positive she is going to dress herself you know she will look pretty pulled together if everything isnt flowers and stipes. Plain shirt flower pants...good, stiped shirt plain pants good...flowered shirt striped pants.....OUCH...and believe me Megan would pick the last combo!!!
I'd also like to add I love the idea of school uniforms as well, as long as the pieces are affordable.
I hear what you're saying about clothes being meant to be enjoyed. Usually what I'll do is put the newer clothes on 'reserve' and once they've been worn enough to not be considered 'going to dinner at a decent restaurant' clothes anymore because of normal wear and tear, they get chucked in the 'fingerpainting day/camping trip/playing in the mud in the garden' collection lol.
I'm certainly not one of those people who thinks kids need to be dressed to the nines every time they go out, but it is nice knowing that if you are going to the museum there is still something in the closet without spaghetti stains on it... However, i tend to buy a lot of darker colours, just in case... lol
I read a piece of prose once about two mothers who were discussing parenthood over coffee. The mother of younger children was frustrated because her child never kept her clothes clean and she spent too much time bleaching socks or spending money on new ones, and asked if the other mother, whose child was older, had any tips for getting stains out of socks. The other mother said, "I buy black socks."
Poor Serejane has more black (or dark) clothes than you can shake a stick at...
Last time we had it they all took one look and removed their shirts. Good way to keep stains away. Then if their bellies are stained you can just cover it with a shirt. :)
I love you, Carol.
I am gobsmacked. I'm not even sure how to respond o that.
#2 - if anyone ever expects me to look at their perfectly matched kids and think their parenting is superior to my own, I hope they are able to deal with a lot of disappointment.
#3 - this is how the mentality gets perpetuated.
Serejane picks her own outfits out. She is rarely matched unless I dress her, and I do nothing to influence her choice whatsoever. Not once have I ever grabbed an article of clothing and said, "No, not that shirt - it doesn't match your pants." Going out is one thing; last time I checked, going to school is about learning, not what you're wearing.
I have never ever thought my mom cared more or less about me because of what I wore. I pray to God my own children never think that I didn't care because of what they wore to school. I pray to God they never give a shit about what other people think of their clothes.
We both know that this is a sensitive issue for both of us, and that we are on absolute opposite ends of the spectrum on this one. It doesn't mean I don't still love you. I'm seriously thinking it's time to make a call for school uniforms again - it would solve SO many problems!
And I will admit....when Megan pulls out a flowered stained shirt and a polka dot mini....I often wonder what the heck they are doing in the drawer and say....Meggie why dont you wear this...it matches...( and it covers your spagetti stain better)
Apparently I misunderstood what the author was implying, although I didn't think there was a lot of reading to do between those lines as the author had previously mentioned that she wasn't one of the well-heeled in school and was taunted herself. She hopes to avoid her children suffering the same fate by ensuring that they are dressed in labels, noting that certain lines eg) Gymboree have matching lines which are easily recognizable, which I feel is a means of perpetuating the problem since it's probably only other adults who would notice this unless a child was coached.
This is an issue that makes people almost as sensitized as circumcision. On this topic, I have been accused of making people feel guilty for what they dress their children in. I have one girlfriend who wears extremely frou frou designer labels. She owns pants and handbags that cost as much as my camera. She doesn't feel the least bit guilty about what she buys even when I tease her about it. She's completely unapologetic about it. When she does eventually have a child, I fully except him or her to be a fashion plate, but not to impress anyone or to get noticed, simply because she likes it. She's kind of like Kate in that aspect. However, like Kate, this girlfriend would be sending her child to a school that required uniforms anyways. We've discussed I before and she has said, "I would never want my child to feel the pressure of having to dress right - I think it would take away from the learning experience like it did for me."
The other author and I were both ostracized for our wardrobes while in school, are on opposite sides of the fence on this issue, and are both (ironically) therefore obsessed with labels. Our approaches to solving the problem for our own children are very different - I go out of my way to avoid people seeing labels on my kids, she goes out of her way to make sure her kids have labels on - though we both agree that when something comes along from WalMart for her or Old Navy for me, we won't NOT use it, but certainly both feel the urge to cut the tags out.
Her and I both agree that uniforms in school would solve the problem, period. I'm very sorry she felt she needed to delete her comments. It was an interesting debate, and as I have said, if the word 'debate' appears in the label, it's gloves-off time. Apparently, I should have labelled it 'Can of Worms' instead.
Actually I do remember by a certain age Mom would give me a certain amount of money towards jeans and then I had to come up with the rest if I wanted a certain "brand" that was more expensive. I also remember modifying clothes, like tying knots at the waste of tshirts or flipping them through to make a halter top, rolling up jeans to make them capris ( heh I even did that last year...lol)
Now I would be happy to find a pair of jeans that fit properly and didnt bag out after a couple of squats and a trip down the stairs. :) Remember the days when your jeans were so tight you had to lay down on the bed with a clothes hanger to pull up the zipper??!?!? ( or was that just me?)
I don't by jeans now. Last pair of jeans I bought and loved was from this weird store at Kingsway in about 1990. I bought 2 pairs - a pair of too-big purple painter-style jeans that I wore rolled over at the waist, and a pair of faded denim jeans with a wide strip of floral brocade fabric sewn in the outside seam, also too big and rolled over at the waist. Those pants with the brocade inset would later be cut into long shorts and as money became tighter and tighter and a new pair seemed further and further from reach (this was right around the time I moved out so I would have been 15 or 16) these jeans were held together with about 500 silver safety pins. They were my frankenpants. (Nowadays they make pants like this with zippers - I was SO ahead of the times... lol) Half my friends thought they were the coolest pants ever; the other half thought I was a retard.
I remember certain clothes that I loved. I don't remember a single article of clothing that a single friend of mine wore, not the poorly dressed girls, not the preppies, not the goth kids... lol
I DO remember the exact moment I started replacing all my colour clothes with black. There was a girl named Tracy. She wasn't high-fashion by any stretch - she was pretty standard from what I recall - a lot of jeans and t-shirts? Anyway. It was normal to see all my goth and arty farty buddies in head-to-toe black. Tracy came to school one day wearing a pair of black dress pants and a black sweater. She did not change her hairstyle or wear red or black lipstick - she just happened to b wearing head-to-toe black. And it looked sharp, without looking goth.
I remember this stupid mint green pantsuit I had. I remember wearing THE shortest tube-skirt on the planet. I remember loving a purple-green combo... lol
I remember wanting to buy a pair of pink knickers. To wear with leg-warmers of course. I was in size 10. My mom wanted me to get size 12 so I could grow into them. They only had turquoise in size 12. I hated them and never wore them.